So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
