and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
