"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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