I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
