then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
a search helicopter?!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
