ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she pinky promised me she was 18
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
