So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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