Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When did angry sex become our thing?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
