funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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