Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
