Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
