My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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