Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
