and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
