i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
