i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
