Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
