I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
