The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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