I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
