i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
