Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
