I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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