That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
