And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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