Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
