he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
