i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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