Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
