I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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