I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
