somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry my hands just texted you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize