WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
