True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
