peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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