I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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