sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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