how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
