I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
did i just pee glitter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
