If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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