Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
