our cab driver is having phone sex.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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