I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
