I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
