look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
