New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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