I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
