i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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