talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
