my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
