I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
