I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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