so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My balls are so social today.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
