You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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