This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
