can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
