If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
