sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
