dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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