just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
