I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
