hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
