So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet