my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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