Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.