I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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