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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.

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  23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things

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• (917): View more from New York City

  And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

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• (315): View more from New York

  And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things

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  21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.

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