Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
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I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?