i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME