I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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