2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
