"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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