Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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