Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
