Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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