is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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