I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
