you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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