Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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